we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
