Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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