I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
