Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
