so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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