So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
