She said her name was "party"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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