sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
