I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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