his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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