oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
