I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
