I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
