You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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