apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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