dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
