I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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