how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
