i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I smell stomach acid.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
