I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
