You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
