I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
