why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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