Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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