I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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