alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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