apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
And then he peed in my hair
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