I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
