Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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