I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
