Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
