Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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