I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Are my feet made of real feet?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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