Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
