i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
