There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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