I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
