Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
