I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
