I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
