I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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