these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
