My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
