Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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