Soap is not a condiment
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
