and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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