I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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