I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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