yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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