I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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