I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you had me at cake vodka
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
