my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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